HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT

Importance of Persuasion

• Persuasion is a key skill to get what you want in life because it involves getting others to work towards your goals.

• According to research, persuasion is one of the most powerful and leveraged skills in the world.

"You can get anything you want in life if you can get other people to get it for you."

Robert Cialdini's Influence

• Robert Cialdini's book "Influence" is highly recommended for understanding the art of persuasion.

• Cialdini made research on persuasion accessible to the masses and his work is considered a valuable resource.

"I have to give my nod to Robert Cialdini, who made most research accessible to the masses in his book 'Influence'."

Tool #1: Reciprocity

• Reciprocity refers to the act of showing kindness and generosity towards others, which increases the likelihood of them returning the favor.

• By giving something of value to others, you create an obligation that can be leveraged later for your benefit.

"When you show kindness and generosity towards others, they're more likely to return the favor and like you as a result."

Example of Reciprocity: Arnold Schwarzenegger

• The example of trying to get in contact with Arnold Schwarzenegger demonstrates how reciprocity can be applied.

• By donating a significant amount to his charity, the person was able to gain Arnold's attention and have multiple meetings with him.

"What Layla and I did was he donated a million dollars to his charity and then we ended up sitting down with Arnold multiple times."

Proportional Gift Giving

• The effectiveness of reciprocity is proportional to the gift or favor given.

• The gift should be appropriate and match the person's value or importance.

"The gift you have to do is proportional to the person you're trying to give to."

Reciprocity in Retail

• An example of reciprocity in a retail store is offering customers cold water as soon as they enter.

• By providing this small gesture, the store creates a sense of indebtedness in customers, making them more likely to stay longer, listen to sales pitches, and potentially make a purchase.

"As soon as you come in [to a retail store], they offer you cold water... because they know that you'll feel indebted to them and be more likely to stay longer, be listening to them, and ultimately buy."

Small-Size Reciprocity

• Reciprocity can be applied in various situations, even with small gestures like paying for a friend's lunch.

• By initiating a small act of kindness, the other person may feel obligated to return the favor.

"For example, if you pay for your friend's lunch, that person now feels obligated to return the favor."

Tool #2: Consistency

• Consistency is a powerful tool in persuasion, as people tend to judge others based on their actions.

• By asking someone to publicly commit to an idea or action, their future behavior tends to align with their previous commitments.

"Consistency can be used in Persuasion by asking someone to publicly commit to an idea or action."

Leveraging Public Commitments

• Once someone has made a public commitment, reminding them of it can increase their likelihood of remaining consistent.

• This technique can be used to ask for larger commitments based on the consistency of their previous actions.

"Hey, since you're the type of person who's really willing to take action and really likes to invest in themselves, I think this would be perfect for you."

Famous Research Study on Consistency

• A research study showed that people who were asked to put a small sign in their window were more likely to comply with a bigger request two weeks later.

• By getting individuals to commit to a smaller action first, their consistency bias influenced them to comply with a larger request later.

"When they asked people to put a tiny little sign in their window... and then two weeks later, they sent them a letter that said, 'Hey, since you're the type of person who's so pro-safety for the neighborhood, would you be willing to put a much bigger sign to save more lives?'"

Tool #3: Social Proof

• Social proof refers to the phenomenon of people looking to others for cues on how to behave or what to believe.

• People tend to trust and follow the actions of others, especially when there is a large consensus.

"People look to other people for cues about how to behave or what to believe."

Examples of Social Proof

• Social proof can be seen in the high numbers of positive reviews for products on online platforms like Amazon.

• The presence of a laugh track on TV shows can influence the audience to find the content funnier.

"If you see something on Amazon that has five thousand five-star reviews, you're way more likely to buy it."

Social Proof in Personal Business

• In personal business, leveraging social proof can involve showcasing positive reviews and testimonials.

• Displaying proof of satisfied customers' experiences can increase trust and credibility.

"I printed out every single five-star review I got online... so that floor to ceiling my lobby was five-star reviews."

Tool #4: Liking

• Liking, or building rapport with others, plays a crucial role in persuasion.

• People are more likely to say yes to those they like or perceive as friends.

"People like people who like them or they perceive as friends."

Building Rapport for Persuasion

• Developing a genuine liking for someone can increase their receptiveness to your requests.

• Demonstrating genuine interest and finding common ground can help build rapport and increase persuasion.

"The more you like someone, the more likely they are to say yes to you."

The Liking Principle

• People are more likely to be persuaded by those that they like and want to be like.

• Research study showed that people still liked strangers who were paid to compliment them.

• There is no cap to how much flattery someone will take, as long as it is genuine.

"People are more likely to be persuaded by those that they like and want to be like."

Using the Liking Principle in Persuasion

• Use the ACA framework: acknowledge what they say, compliment what they did, and ask another question.

• Acknowledge what they just said to show that you are listening and paying attention.

• Compliment them on what they just said and tie it to a positive attribute.

• Ask them the next question to move the conversation forward.

"Acknowledge what they just said... compliment them... and ask another question."

Authority as a Persuasion Tool

• People are more likely to accept what an authority figure says as truth.

• Use diplomas, credentials, awards, and track record to establish authority.

• Third-party accreditation can also add to the perception of authority.

"People put up fewer filters and accept more things as truth when it comes from an authority."

Scarcity and Urgency

• Create the perception of scarcity and urgency to persuade.

• Use limits, limited time offers, and limited supply to create a sense of scarcity.

• Frame the message in terms of what people might miss out on to elicit loss aversion.

"People value what is scarce... use limits, limited time offers, and limited supply."